It’s another Monday in the dead of winter during a pandemic and you’re supposed to be working. Don’t. Instead, read this review of something you watched just hours ago. It’s got all the entertainment value of that Netflix Original you’re joylessly considering with 1/50th of the commitment.
This year’s Superbowl advertising story is special in that Budweiser, Coke and Pepsi didn’t advertise. Budweiser for instance will be reallocating funds in an effort to “prioritize humanity and purpose” by supporting public awareness and education throughout the year for the COVID-19 vaccination effort. A noble endeavor from Anheuser-Busch in these historically stupid times. Of course, Bud Light, Bud Light Seltzer, Michelob ULTRA, and Michelob ULTRA Organic Seltzer all ran commercials during the game.
[Odds of me ever drinking a Michelob ULTRA Organic Seltzer: Not very good at all.]
This year’s bill for a 30 second spot is 5.5 million, and when I googled that I saw this actual headline:
Super Bowl Advertising: Covid-19 Throws Flags, But CBS And Brands Still See Chance To Score
That’s pretty tough to come back from, but I’m a pro and watched every commercial as required by my contract, for you, the fine people who read things on the internet.
Let’s get rolling with the 5 best spots of the night, according to my notes which upon review are a series of hastily-drawn happy and sad faces.
A lot of heart tugging to start us off and I’m a sucker for it. It’s all the first responder promos they kept running prior to the game. They’re wearing me down with all that selflessness so here I am getting mopey over car ads.
The spot tells the story of 13 time gold medal Paralympian swimmer Jessica Long’s adoption from a Russian orphanage. A voiceover phone call tells her prospective parents that Jessica’s life will be diffucult as she will need a double amputation. The visuals give us a beautifully shot montage of Jessica as a swimmer and the juxtapostion is perfectly presented. Everyone knows how this one is going to end but just to send me the floor, Jessica’s future mom ends the spot by telling the orphanage “I can’t wait to meet her” as Jessica looks on the scene from the end of a race.
Jeep and Bruce Springsteen take their sweet time with this 2 minute essay on finding middle ground in America. The only Jeep you see is an older model and it is not even highlighted in the spot. What is pushed forward through the heartland scenery is Springsteen’s hopeful message. A great 2 minute commercial that because of its length and unhurried feel really cuts through the clutter well and even left me remembering that it was a Jeep ad.
Nothing emotional here. Will Ferrell looking like he’s been in lockdown for every bit of a year wants to understand why Norway sells more electric cars per capita than we do. The ad is just Will Ferrell driving (and being shipped) to Norway to “crush” them along with friends Kenan Thompson and Awkwafina. It was funny throughout although I was not clear on what they were actually selling. Electric car batteries, I think.
A fun variation of the Jake from Statefarm ads, this one begins with the cheesehead guy that we haven’t seen in years and ends with Drake as the stand in for Jake. Paul Rudd is thrown in wearing a weird Patrick Mahomes hoodie as well. https://youtu.be/lvpq2OjmJvg
Tracy Morgan is great in these two spots highlighting being pretty sure vs being certain in a variety of scenarios including a bear, poisonous mushrooms, fighting Dave Bautista and murder bees. The second spot is more of the same including unfriendly UFOs and Korean toilet ghosts. A very effective one-two punch that never hides the company name or what they’re selling.
https://youtu.be/EMgA-y2nRWEhttps://youtu.be/RWHT3Xt7qfw
I like Cheetos and Mila Kunis and Shaggy and I even like Ashton Kutcher but I don’t like Ashton Kutcher singing a Shaggy song.
WFT fan Matthew McConaughey doing a creepy flat stanley through this commercial for Doritos 3D which is a bigger, worse Dorito I assume. Also, Matthew McConaughey has never eaten a Dorito, so this seems even goofier.
Someone had to say it, and it was Bass Pro Shops in what was a fine commercial up until…IN THESE TRYING TIMES. And that’s all I heard as the beautiful scenery and the kids fishing flashed in front of me. Bass Pro Shops, it was there for the taking and you let some hack copywriter, marketing monster flush it away. Shame on you.
This might have been a regional spot, but Jessie Coffield, the Draft Kings host (the hell does that mean?) that looks like she dropped out of Central Casting/fun sports girl category is back to talk really fast about winning 1 million dollars if I pick something and download the app now and I’ve seen this person somehow more than I’ve seen my own children in the last few months.
Okay. Let’s finish up with this obnoxious, busy, pink horrorshow. John Cena driving a pink convertible through an acid trip full of Mountain Dew Major Melon. Hah. I wrote that sentence. Look at that. Anyway, as the acid starts to wear off, John Cena asks me to count and tweet the exact number of Mountain Dew bottles in the commercial and I can win a million dollars, just like I can win a million dollars with sports fixture Jesse Coffield from a minute ago.
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